you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
