I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
