So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
