you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
