When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize