id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
