My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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