He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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