he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
