It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
