I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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