her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
