It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
