we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
