Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
