brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
