i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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