I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
