Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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