if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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