I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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