I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
