Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
