K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Found the puke drawer
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
