Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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