I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
