So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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