Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
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Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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