I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
