Where is the hickey?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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