i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
