Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize