I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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