I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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