So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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