what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
