PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
