Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
