dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
someone owes me an orgasm
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
