If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
