the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
