The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
