I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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