don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
