Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize