1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize