Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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