Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
