careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
