He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
