people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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