god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the condom got lost in my hair
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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