apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He better not be in your backpack
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
