You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
