I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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