also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize