Did you just see the Batmobile???
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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