She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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