I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize