Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just got carded by a ten year old.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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