btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
